When You Don't Agree With Your Child's Teacher

I have known a lot of teachers.  First as a student, then as colleagues and now as a parent   I have been very lucky that my children have had wonderful teachers who I absolutely treasure.  I love their school, the sense of community and the teachers willingness to go above and beyond.  I am trusting these folks with the things that are most important in my life which has really forced me to reexamine my own role as a teacher in other students' lives.  These teachers and my kids' school is such an important part of their life and their happiness there is vital to the happiness of our family.

A situation recently arose where the teacher of one of my children made a decision that I did not agree with.  It was a decision that made me and my child feel unwelcome in their school.  My emotional response to this decision was dramatic and I can't remember the last time I was this upset about something.  I was in the place of the irrational parent rather than the calm and reassuring teacher.  Being in that role was new to me, and I really had to think about the best way to approach this with my child's teacher. 

Talk to the Teacher First

In my case, talking to the teacher was actually done by email.  I did not grasp the entirety of the situation when I picked my child up that day and once I did understand what had happened, I was much too emotional for an in person discussion that day.  In fact, I waited until the next day to begin composing the email and I went back to it several times throughout the day to make sure it was conveying what I needed it to without being too emotional.  The point here is that this was a decision the teacher made, and I needed to talk to her first before complaining to other staff members about this decision. 

Assume Good Intentions

This teacher is one my family has known and loved for years.  I know she has always had the best intentions her students and their families.  I went on the assumption that she was not purposely trying to make families feel unwelcome. 

Think About it From Her Perspective

I spent some time thinking about why she made this decision.  I thought about some of the changes that happened in the school this year and how the number of students in her class has gone up quite a bit.  I also thought about the fact that she seems to have some very challenging students this year and how that might be affecting her. 

Encourage Others

I heard a lot of grumblings from other parents the day I picked my daughter up from school.  I know from experience that parents are much more likely to complain to other parents than to tell the teacher directly why they are upset.  When other parents complained directly to me, I encouraged them to call, email or talk to the teacher about their concerns rather than to other parents.  If the teacher does not know multiple parents are upset, there isn't anything she can do about it. 

Follow Through

In my case, several emails back and forth to my child's teacher was enough to defuse the situation and have her reconsider her decision.  Whatever agreement you come to, make sure you hold up your end of the bargain.  If you get what you ask for make sure you say thank you. 

Mend the Relationship

I can be super challenging to disagree with someone you like and respect.  Even if you come to an agreement in the end, it can do damage to the relationship.  Things might feel a little awkward for a while and you may have to go above and beyond to be friendly and to help repair the relationship. 

Have you ever disagreed with your child's teacher?  How did you handle it? Please respond in the comments below!